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Sé que me despedí de esta madre de los blogs apenas en la semana; pero resulta que me llegó un forward a mi buzón de hotmail. Básicamente este correo quería crear conciencia sobre el pedo de Pemex con un cartón izquierdoso que se encontró por ahí. Más allá de los argumentos pobres y desgastados a los que recurre el caricaturista, me hizo mucha gracia que me lo haya enviado una persona de clase alta y con educación universitaria. Mantengan esto en cuenta cuando lean mi respuesta más adelante.
Eh aquí la dichosa caricatura contenida en el mail:
Aquí está la respuesta que les envié a los que recibieron dicho correo:
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
JAJAJA, pero ya “hablando en serio, ¿Qué diablos con ese cartón que mandaron? Independientemente de mis ideas acerca del petróleo e inclinación política, puedo distinguir con cierta objetividad que:
1) Fingir que te importa el petróleo está tan “inn” como hacerle a la mamada con lo del “caletamiento global”. ¡Es lo de hoy “chavos”!
Dijo, cuantas noches no han pasado en vela o con el rosario en la boca preguntándose por el futuro de Pemex. Eso sí, ¡aguas con no dejar la veladora prendida toda la noche eh!
No importa que los argumentos que uses sean absurdos o estúpidos. Ejemplo:
-“ortia” vengo, voy a misa de gallo-
En su infinita y patriotera sabiduría, el congreso constitucional de 1917 elaboró leyes sobre recursos naturales que aplican a la perfección 91 años más tarde; después de todo el mundo no ha cambiado gran cosa, la tierra es plana y el sol gira alrededor de esta última.
2) El cartón enviado es una compilación de estereotipos izquierdosos.
Las multinacionales (petroleras gringas por supuesto) y los extranjeros van a venir a chuparse a México, ¡coño!
¡Malditos gachupines! ¡Putos Franceses! ¡Pinches gringos! Está claro que solo joden a México y que no son bienvenidos en este cuerno de la abundancia. Por algo a cada edición del concurso Miss Universo siempre enviamos a féminas totonacas, xoxiles, o pertenecientes a grupos indígenas que terminen en cutli, pinchi, pantli y coyotl. La tez clara, y otras evidencias de mestizaje genético son motivo de vergüenza como bien sabrán.
Eso sí, he de admitir que la representación del mexicano promedio es excepcionalmente certera. Quién puede negar que en las universidades y oficinas a las que asisten a diario se encuentran repletas de mujeres jodidas enrebozadas y charritos bigotones.
Seis de cada ocho mexicanos usan sombrerote y rebozo.
Hombre, ¡pero haces leyendo este correo electrónico! El internet fue un arma creada durante la guerra fría por el imperio yanqui; la computadora tiene componentes hechos por multinacionales monopólicas estadounidenses; si quieres ser congruente con tus ideales izquierdosos, será mejor que de hoy en adelante mejor uses amate para escribir cartas, las envíes mediante mensajeros corredores (acuérdate que el caballo es una bestia traído por los conquistadores) y uses el sistema vigesimal maya, en lugar del binario que emplea este malvado aparato, para hacer tus cuentas.
Franchutes, ¡ahg! Que asco
1) Bill Gates va cancelar tu cuenta de “jotmail” si no le envías este correo a 5 maestras de kínder bilingüe.
Nuestra generación de “chavos modernos” ha aprendido que la mejor herramienta para generar cambios de alcance mundial es el “imeil”. A cuantas niñitas (inexistentes) que necesitan una costosa operación para salvar sus vidas no hemos ayudado enviando cadenitas a diestra y siniestra. Acaparamos los titulares de los noticieros cada que se nos ocurre alguna idea para protestar por el calentamiento global (se acuerdan de la mamada de apagar las luces a cierta hora, apoco no fue el evento que marcó la década). Y hoy defendemos a Pemex de misteriosas fuerzas capitalistas.
Para concluir, no voy a hacer un berrinche estilo “ya no me manden mierda por favor”. Después de todo nadie me obliga a fumarme esta clase de correos, y si les dedico tiempo a contestarlos es por voluntad propia. Pero “chavos modernos” (o hipsters debería decir) aguas con los argumentos topiles que mandan.
¡Saludos!
Atte. Catrín de Lavandín
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